boy, i'm sorry

I didn't sleep for three nights, finally i can sleep but still not a good sleep. I remember my bf says he felt abit regret for the agreement of aborting, Like this my lil'boy really sacrifice like not worth it.

This is the 4th mth baby & is how he's like when he's out of my womb, from a small blood clot i see him grow till like this big then...but still not alive.
Who understand my SADNESS?!
I've create a Sins, my poor boy. Jus felt he's like a child that being abandon, my little poor boy. I'm so envy girls that having a baby in their womb, so i'll support them to keep if they really can. Now then i know if i really wan my boy,
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
A stupid mother like me?! even see him the last time also scare, i also don't know what the fcuk
now then come nd'blame myself for losting the chance of seeing him, or don't have enough determination to keep him, sad & cry also no use, i'm not fit to be~!

USELESS USELESS & USELESS !!

But what don, can't be undone.
If i know i will be so sad & so heart pain..
I hope time can turn back, then i'll insist of keeping it even i've lost my family, my bf or my frens i also will keep it, with my own hand to raise him up.
If oly i can..

I really blame myself badly & people that force me too~
I don't deserve anything good or a better life.

I'm sorry my boy..

I felt so gulity..